It does seem like a somewhat common pattern that your comments get interpreted as hostile. I think this is both a reason to extend you more charitability, since I don’t actually think those worries have ever been clearly demonstrated to be true, but is also a sign of something more general going wrong that I don’t really know how to deal with.
(Happy to continue this thread via private chat or in meta. I am hesitant to have even more meta on this post.)
Said, you do not get to decide what people read into your words. What you’ve communicated to others is what they get from your communication, no more and no less. There’s a tight analogy to teaching: you do not get to decide what you teach to your students. What you’ve taught is what they’ve learned, no more and no less.
I believe that you’re trying to get something out of Val’s explanations, but there are other things you’re doing in the course of that trying and they’re really rubbing me the wrong way. That is at least as much a fact about me as about you, but I am a real human having a real experience of being pissed at you, and you don’t get to define that experience away just because you don’t see anything in your comments worth getting pissed about.
Note that at this point the thread doesn’t seem super valuable to continue to me, and that I might lock it down in case it continues in a way that I expect to go badly. Discussion via PM or in Meta is welcome.
Now you are definitely reading things into my comments that aren’t there.
I would certainly like to get something out of Valentine’s explanations. It seems to me that I have been trying to do exactly that. That’s all.
It does seem like a somewhat common pattern that your comments get interpreted as hostile. I think this is both a reason to extend you more charitability, since I don’t actually think those worries have ever been clearly demonstrated to be true, but is also a sign of something more general going wrong that I don’t really know how to deal with.
(Happy to continue this thread via private chat or in meta. I am hesitant to have even more meta on this post.)
Said, you do not get to decide what people read into your words. What you’ve communicated to others is what they get from your communication, no more and no less. There’s a tight analogy to teaching: you do not get to decide what you teach to your students. What you’ve taught is what they’ve learned, no more and no less.
I believe that you’re trying to get something out of Val’s explanations, but there are other things you’re doing in the course of that trying and they’re really rubbing me the wrong way. That is at least as much a fact about me as about you, but I am a real human having a real experience of being pissed at you, and you don’t get to define that experience away just because you don’t see anything in your comments worth getting pissed about.
[Moderation Note]
Note that at this point the thread doesn’t seem super valuable to continue to me, and that I might lock it down in case it continues in a way that I expect to go badly. Discussion via PM or in Meta is welcome.