Mh… I guess “holy madman” is a definition too vague to make a rational debate on it? I had interpreted it as “sacrifice everything that won’t negatively affect your utility function later on”. So the interpretation I imagined would be someone that won’t leave himself an inch of comfort more than what’s needed to keep the quality of his work constant.
I see slack as leaving yourself enough comfort that you’d be ready to use your free energy in ways you can’t see at the moment, so I guess I was automatically assuming an “holy madman” would optimise for outputting the current best effort he can in the long term, rather than sacrificing some current effort to bet on future chances to improve the future output.
I’d define someone who’s leaving this level of slack as someone who’s making a serious or full effort, but not an holy madman, but I guess this doesn’t means much.
If I were to try to summarise my thoughts on what would happen in reality if someone were to try these options… I think the slack one would work better in general, both by managing to avoid pitfalls and to better exploit your potential for growth.
I still feel there’s a lot of danger to oneself in trying to take ideas seriously though. If you start trying to act like it’s your responsibility to solve a problem that’s killing people, the moment you lose your grip on your thoughts it’s the moment you cut yourself badly, at least in my experience.
In these days I’ve managed to reduce the harm that some recurrent thoughts were doing by focusing on distinguish between 1) me legitimately wanting A and planning/acting to achieve A and 2) my worries related to not being able to get A or distress for things currently being not A, telling myself that 2) doesn’t helps me get what I want in the least, and that I can still make a full effort for 1), likely a better one, without paying to 2) much attention.
(I’m afraid I’ve started to slightly rant from this point. I’m leaving it because I still feel it might be useful)
This strategy worked for my gender transition. I’m not sure how I’d react if I were to try telling myself I shouldn’t care/feel bad/worry if people die because I’m not managing to fix the problem, even if I KNOW that worrying myself about people dying hinders my effort to fix the problem because feeling sick and worried and tired wouldn’t in any way help toward actually working on the problem, I still don’t trust my corrupted hardware to not start running some guilt trip against me because I’m trying to be, in a sense that’s not utilitarian at all, callous, because I’m trying to not care/feel bad/worry about something like that.
Also, as a personal anecdote of possible pitfalls, trying to take personal responsibility for a global problem had drained my resources in ways I could’t foreseen easily. When I got jumped by an unrelated problem about my gender, I found myself without the emotional resources to deal with both stresses at once, so some recurrent thoughts started blaming me because I was letting a personal problem that was in no way as bad as being dead, and didn’t blipped at all on any screen in confront to a large number of deaths, screw up with my attempt of working on something that was actually relevant. I realised immediately that this was a stupid thing to think and in no way healthy, but that didn’t do much to stop it, and climbing out of that pit of stress and guilt took a while.
In short, my emotional hardware is stupid and bugged and it irritates me to no end how it can just go ahead and ignore my attempts of thinking sanely about stuff.
I’m not sure if I’m just particularly bad at this, or if I just have expectations that are too high. An external view would likely tell me that it’s ridiculous for me to expect to be able to go from “lazy and detached” to “saving the world (read reducing X risk), while effortlessly holding at bay emotional problems that would trip most people”. I’d surely tell anyone that. On the other hand, it just feels like a stupid thing to not manage doing.
(end of the rant)
(in contrast to me; I’m closer to the standard 40 hours)
Can I ask if you have some sort of external force that makes you do these hours? If not, any advice on how to do that?
I’m coming from a really long tradition of not doing any work whatsoever, and so far I’m struggling to meet my current goal of 24 hours (also because the only deadlines are the ones I manage to give myself… and for reasons I guess I have explained above).
Getting to this was a massive improvement, but again, I feel like I’m exceptionally bad at working hard.
Mh… I guess “holy madman” is a definition too vague to make a rational debate on it? I had interpreted it as “sacrifice everything that won’t negatively affect your utility function later on”. So the interpretation I imagined would be someone that won’t leave himself an inch of comfort more than what’s needed to keep the quality of his work constant.
I see slack as leaving yourself enough comfort that you’d be ready to use your free energy in ways you can’t see at the moment, so I guess I was automatically assuming an “holy madman” would optimise for outputting the current best effort he can in the long term, rather than sacrificing some current effort to bet on future chances to improve the future output.
I’d define someone who’s leaving this level of slack as someone who’s making a serious or full effort, but not an holy madman, but I guess this doesn’t means much.
If I were to try to summarise my thoughts on what would happen in reality if someone were to try these options… I think the slack one would work better in general, both by managing to avoid pitfalls and to better exploit your potential for growth.
I still feel there’s a lot of danger to oneself in trying to take ideas seriously though. If you start trying to act like it’s your responsibility to solve a problem that’s killing people, the moment you lose your grip on your thoughts it’s the moment you cut yourself badly, at least in my experience.
In these days I’ve managed to reduce the harm that some recurrent thoughts were doing by focusing on distinguish between 1) me legitimately wanting A and planning/acting to achieve A and 2) my worries related to not being able to get A or distress for things currently being not A, telling myself that 2) doesn’t helps me get what I want in the least, and that I can still make a full effort for 1), likely a better one, without paying to 2) much attention.
(I’m afraid I’ve started to slightly rant from this point. I’m leaving it because I still feel it might be useful)
This strategy worked for my gender transition.
I’m not sure how I’d react if I were to try telling myself I shouldn’t care/feel bad/worry if people die because I’m not managing to fix the problem, even if I KNOW that worrying myself about people dying hinders my effort to fix the problem because feeling sick and worried and tired wouldn’t in any way help toward actually working on the problem, I still don’t trust my corrupted hardware to not start running some guilt trip against me because I’m trying to be, in a sense that’s not utilitarian at all, callous, because I’m trying to not care/feel bad/worry about something like that.
Also, as a personal anecdote of possible pitfalls, trying to take personal responsibility for a global problem had drained my resources in ways I could’t foreseen easily. When I got jumped by an unrelated problem about my gender, I found myself without the emotional resources to deal with both stresses at once, so some recurrent thoughts started blaming me because I was letting a personal problem that was in no way as bad as being dead, and didn’t blipped at all on any screen in confront to a large number of deaths, screw up with my attempt of working on something that was actually relevant. I realised immediately that this was a stupid thing to think and in no way healthy, but that didn’t do much to stop it, and climbing out of that pit of stress and guilt took a while.
In short, my emotional hardware is stupid and bugged and it irritates me to no end how it can just go ahead and ignore my attempts of thinking sanely about stuff.
I’m not sure if I’m just particularly bad at this, or if I just have expectations that are too high. An external view would likely tell me that it’s ridiculous for me to expect to be able to go from “lazy and detached” to “saving the world (read reducing X risk), while effortlessly holding at bay emotional problems that would trip most people”. I’d surely tell anyone that. On the other hand, it just feels like a stupid thing to not manage doing.
(end of the rant)
Can I ask if you have some sort of external force that makes you do these hours? If not, any advice on how to do that?
I’m coming from a really long tradition of not doing any work whatsoever, and so far I’m struggling to meet my current goal of 24 hours (also because the only deadlines are the ones I manage to give myself… and for reasons I guess I have explained above).
Getting to this was a massive improvement, but again, I feel like I’m exceptionally bad at working hard.