I find it odd that no one is discussing the wider societal implications
Well, for one thing, its a piece on polyhacking and luminosity—trying to understand the degree to which one can successfully change one’s preferences, and to the extent to which this is individually worthwhile. It’s not an advocacy piece on polyamory.
That said, polyamory (and queerness in general) really does offer opportunities for people to step outside many kinds of sexual status competitions. If there is a standard relationship ‘package’ that most people will have with exactly one person, and if there is social pressure to conform to and excel at that kind of relationship, then I can make an intelligent guess about your status by seeing how well your partner fits the stereotypes. E.g., if your boyfriend has two left feet and works at Blockbuster, you must not be very good at attracting the rich, suave type that ‘everybody’ wants, and so I’m probably doing ‘better’ than you are.
By contrast, if there are several different acceptable types of relationships, and any given person will usually have multiple such relationships, then the math gets too fuzzy—it may not even be obvious to me exactly who you’re dating, let alone what you’re doing with them or how much fun you’re having or how much support you’re getting. The fact that you’re seen in public with the Blockbuster guy who can’t dance doesn’t really say anything about your status. You obviously find something about him vaguely attractive, but you’re not ‘settling’ for dating only him, so the fact that you’re dating him doesn’t imply that you can’t or won’t attract a conventionally successful dude. Thus, by making interpersonal status comparisons difficult or impossible, polyamory has a tendency to reduce the stupider kinds of status competitions.
Finally, even assuming that there are lots of women out there who are ‘marginal hypergamists,’ i.e., who would sleep with only the ‘best’ men if they were allowed to do so, but who would have sex (almost) exclusively with one low-status man if they were shamed into doing that, it’s not clear that women prefer exclusive commitments to permanent commitments. In other words, a low-status man who credibly pledged to be permanently available to a woman for very large amounts of romance, sex, financial support, and child-rearing, while giving both parties the option of having occasional flings, would probably be at least as attractive as a low-status man who pledged (somewhat less credibly) to permanently and exclusively devote all of his romantic, sexual, financial, and parenting energy to his wife while requiring the wife not to engage in affairs.
I believe this answers Robin Hanson’s concern that polyamory will just leave ordinary women free to sleep with even more high-status men. High-status men can’t credibly commit to devote most of their energy to more than one woman; only one partner can receive ‘most’ of your attention. But if ‘most’ of your attention, delivered on a permanent basis, is valuable even if you are low- or medium-status, then you’ll have something to offer in the romantic marketplace.
Well, for one thing, its a piece on polyhacking and luminosity—trying to understand the degree to which one can successfully change one’s preferences, and to the extent to which this is individually worthwhile. It’s not an advocacy piece on polyamory.
That said, polyamory (and queerness in general) really does offer opportunities for people to step outside many kinds of sexual status competitions. If there is a standard relationship ‘package’ that most people will have with exactly one person, and if there is social pressure to conform to and excel at that kind of relationship, then I can make an intelligent guess about your status by seeing how well your partner fits the stereotypes. E.g., if your boyfriend has two left feet and works at Blockbuster, you must not be very good at attracting the rich, suave type that ‘everybody’ wants, and so I’m probably doing ‘better’ than you are.
By contrast, if there are several different acceptable types of relationships, and any given person will usually have multiple such relationships, then the math gets too fuzzy—it may not even be obvious to me exactly who you’re dating, let alone what you’re doing with them or how much fun you’re having or how much support you’re getting. The fact that you’re seen in public with the Blockbuster guy who can’t dance doesn’t really say anything about your status. You obviously find something about him vaguely attractive, but you’re not ‘settling’ for dating only him, so the fact that you’re dating him doesn’t imply that you can’t or won’t attract a conventionally successful dude. Thus, by making interpersonal status comparisons difficult or impossible, polyamory has a tendency to reduce the stupider kinds of status competitions.
Finally, even assuming that there are lots of women out there who are ‘marginal hypergamists,’ i.e., who would sleep with only the ‘best’ men if they were allowed to do so, but who would have sex (almost) exclusively with one low-status man if they were shamed into doing that, it’s not clear that women prefer exclusive commitments to permanent commitments. In other words, a low-status man who credibly pledged to be permanently available to a woman for very large amounts of romance, sex, financial support, and child-rearing, while giving both parties the option of having occasional flings, would probably be at least as attractive as a low-status man who pledged (somewhat less credibly) to permanently and exclusively devote all of his romantic, sexual, financial, and parenting energy to his wife while requiring the wife not to engage in affairs.
I believe this answers Robin Hanson’s concern that polyamory will just leave ordinary women free to sleep with even more high-status men. High-status men can’t credibly commit to devote most of their energy to more than one woman; only one partner can receive ‘most’ of your attention. But if ‘most’ of your attention, delivered on a permanent basis, is valuable even if you are low- or medium-status, then you’ll have something to offer in the romantic marketplace.