Okay, imagine two of me standing facing each other in a blank space a la Elspeth so as to chat.
Skeptic: *raises eyebrow* Okay, so what is the extra value of exclusivity above and beyond top priority?
Flailing Brainbit: It is special! And and and exclusive.
S: Top priority is also special. And calling exclusivity exclusive is not informative. Come on. You can trust the rest of this brain, right? When we figure out what we want, we arrange to have it; we’re not going to gang up on you unless you decide you want something more destructive than monogamy. We just need more detail for this one so we can see if there’s a simpler way to get it.
FB: Uuuum, it would mean that he wouldn’t go around kissing random girls.
S: Yes, I know, that’s what it means, but why does that seem important?
FB: Um. Um um um. He would be miiiiiiiine.
S: Okay, so if I ask him, “Would it be a correct summary of the model of poly we’re considering to say “you’re mine but I’ll share”?” and he says yes, will you calm down? We count as ours lots of things that we share, even things that we feel socially obliged to share.
FB: …Maybe?
S: Okay, we’ll ask him that, then. …Say, look. He said that sounded good to him. You okay over there?
Well, I had imagined something like “taking infidelity into account, monogamy’s conception of exclusiveness doesn’t seem to work perfectly either”. I guess that another person might have just been irked by the prospect of not being considered, by herself, “(good) enough” for the person who made a move on her, (in retrospect, you seem to find nice that, given new information, he would have agreed to a monogamous relationship, meaning that he considers you sufficient to satisfy his romantic expectations). Focusing on that would have been counterproductive, in this instance, since it would have probably made it impossible for him to date you at the time.
Okay, imagine two of me standing facing each other in a blank space a la Elspeth so as to chat.
Skeptic: *raises eyebrow* Okay, so what is the extra value of exclusivity above and beyond top priority?
Flailing Brainbit: It is special! And and and exclusive.
S: Top priority is also special. And calling exclusivity exclusive is not informative. Come on. You can trust the rest of this brain, right? When we figure out what we want, we arrange to have it; we’re not going to gang up on you unless you decide you want something more destructive than monogamy. We just need more detail for this one so we can see if there’s a simpler way to get it.
FB: Uuuum, it would mean that he wouldn’t go around kissing random girls.
S: Yes, I know, that’s what it means, but why does that seem important?
FB: Um. Um um um. He would be miiiiiiiine.
S: Okay, so if I ask him, “Would it be a correct summary of the model of poly we’re considering to say “you’re mine but I’ll share”?” and he says yes, will you calm down? We count as ours lots of things that we share, even things that we feel socially obliged to share.
FB: …Maybe?
S: Okay, we’ll ask him that, then. …Say, look. He said that sounded good to him. You okay over there?
FB: Meep.
S: Are you going to give us any more problems?
FB: No...
S: Okay then.
Hee, I didn’t know the backstory to that one =)
Well, I had imagined something like “taking infidelity into account, monogamy’s conception of exclusiveness doesn’t seem to work perfectly either”. I guess that another person might have just been irked by the prospect of not being considered, by herself, “(good) enough” for the person who made a move on her, (in retrospect, you seem to find nice that, given new information, he would have agreed to a monogamous relationship, meaning that he considers you sufficient to satisfy his romantic expectations). Focusing on that would have been counterproductive, in this instance, since it would have probably made it impossible for him to date you at the time.