I don’t carry around a mental model of myself, but I think I will start on it.
I do explicitly carry around a mental model of my boss. Whenever I am working out a deal and I’m not sure about whether to agree to a point, I ask the little boss simulation. One of my boss’s sterling qualities is that he makes decisions quickly, much more quickly than I do. Where I tend to gather lots of information and examine nuances, he simplifies. He is also better at (and institutionally more appropriate for) comparing incommensurate values (like different risks and rewards, where the units are not comparable). The little boss simulation has a very good batting average; I am very surprised when he gets things wrong.
The reason I think I will extent this to a model of myself is that I have people working for me who also do deals. We talk about how to step back from a conflict in the process of a negotiation, but I have not had much good advice to give there. “Take a deep breath.” Yeah, that actually works a lot of the time, but what about when it does not? The simulated rational me might be just the thing. I’ll just ask myself what I would think about the proposal if I weren’t offended / backed into a corner / embarrassed at being insufficiently prepared for the negotiation / desperate to get the deal done.
I am also trying to start implementing a self-model of the type Brienne describes.
But I also have mental models of people with whom I interact everyday (instead of myself). Unfortunately, I don’t construct them consciously—they appear whenever I have issues with the real person in question. I’ll argue with them before confronting the actual person (if a confrontation is called for). When I do enter a real discussion with the real person, I’m almost always struck by how wrong my models were—to the point of being actively damaging to my psychological well-being.
I do that exact thing (inaccurate mental models of people) too!
Have you found any useful ways to counteract that?
I haven’t found any other way than forcing myself to consciously look at unconscious models of people i make from time to time if it is possible and updating the models accoringly but this methos has not been very effective.
I’ve been working on noticing that I’m arguing with them, and running a mental process to halt those threads. It helps a lot in the moment. More importantly, it may even be having a preventative effect—I think I’m experiencing these imaginary fights less often.
I don’t carry around a mental model of myself, but I think I will start on it.
I do explicitly carry around a mental model of my boss. Whenever I am working out a deal and I’m not sure about whether to agree to a point, I ask the little boss simulation. One of my boss’s sterling qualities is that he makes decisions quickly, much more quickly than I do. Where I tend to gather lots of information and examine nuances, he simplifies. He is also better at (and institutionally more appropriate for) comparing incommensurate values (like different risks and rewards, where the units are not comparable). The little boss simulation has a very good batting average; I am very surprised when he gets things wrong.
The reason I think I will extent this to a model of myself is that I have people working for me who also do deals. We talk about how to step back from a conflict in the process of a negotiation, but I have not had much good advice to give there. “Take a deep breath.” Yeah, that actually works a lot of the time, but what about when it does not? The simulated rational me might be just the thing. I’ll just ask myself what I would think about the proposal if I weren’t offended / backed into a corner / embarrassed at being insufficiently prepared for the negotiation / desperate to get the deal done.
Max L.
I am also trying to start implementing a self-model of the type Brienne describes.
But I also have mental models of people with whom I interact everyday (instead of myself). Unfortunately, I don’t construct them consciously—they appear whenever I have issues with the real person in question. I’ll argue with them before confronting the actual person (if a confrontation is called for). When I do enter a real discussion with the real person, I’m almost always struck by how wrong my models were—to the point of being actively damaging to my psychological well-being.
I do that exact thing (inaccurate mental models of people) too! Have you found any useful ways to counteract that?
I haven’t found any other way than forcing myself to consciously look at unconscious models of people i make from time to time if it is possible and updating the models accoringly but this methos has not been very effective.
I’ve been working on noticing that I’m arguing with them, and running a mental process to halt those threads. It helps a lot in the moment. More importantly, it may even be having a preventative effect—I think I’m experiencing these imaginary fights less often.