Okay that helps some but I’m still really at a loss as to what that actionable proposal might be. I suspect in most of the cases it’s not merely that one needs to accept the answer might be “No.” (The strategy there is often “Better to ask forgiveness than permission.” ) but more about how to over come the barriers and get that honest response.
Perhaps adding some bits to each case on how to overcome the barrier to the honest answer (Yes or No) would have been helpful if the problem was not getting that honest “No” or how to really accept that “No” outcome should be allowed (not staking the deck).
Not every important concepts has implications which are immediately obvious, and it’s generally worth making space for things which are true even when you can’t yet find the implications. It’s also worth making the post.
That said, one of the biggest implications I draw from this concept is that of “seeking ’no’s”. If you want a “yes”, then often what you can do is go out of your way to make “no” super easy to say, so that the only reason they won’t say “yes” is because “yes” isn’t actually true/in their best interests. A trivial example might be that if you want someone to help you unload your moving truck, giving them the out “I know you’ve got other things you need to do, so if you’re busy I can just hire some people to help” will make it easier to commit to a “yes” and not feel resentful for being asked favors.
More subtly, if you’re interested in “showing someone that they’re wrong”, often it more effective to drop the goal entirely and instead focus on where you might be wrong. If you can ask things with genuine curiosity and intent to learn, people become much more open to sharing their true objections and then noticing when their views may not add up.
“Seeking ’no’s” is a concept that applies everywhere though, and most people don’t do it nearly enough.
I think there isn’t a consistent change in policy that’s best in all the examples, but all the examples show someone who might benefit from recognizing the common dynamic that all the examples illustrate.
Hmmm.
Okay that helps some but I’m still really at a loss as to what that actionable proposal might be. I suspect in most of the cases it’s not merely that one needs to accept the answer might be “No.” (The strategy there is often “Better to ask forgiveness than permission.” ) but more about how to over come the barriers and get that honest response.
Perhaps adding some bits to each case on how to overcome the barrier to the honest answer (Yes or No) would have been helpful if the problem was not getting that honest “No” or how to really accept that “No” outcome should be allowed (not staking the deck).
Not every important concepts has implications which are immediately obvious, and it’s generally worth making space for things which are true even when you can’t yet find the implications. It’s also worth making the post.
That said, one of the biggest implications I draw from this concept is that of “seeking ’no’s”. If you want a “yes”, then often what you can do is go out of your way to make “no” super easy to say, so that the only reason they won’t say “yes” is because “yes” isn’t actually true/in their best interests. A trivial example might be that if you want someone to help you unload your moving truck, giving them the out “I know you’ve got other things you need to do, so if you’re busy I can just hire some people to help” will make it easier to commit to a “yes” and not feel resentful for being asked favors.
More subtly, if you’re interested in “showing someone that they’re wrong”, often it more effective to drop the goal entirely and instead focus on where you might be wrong. If you can ask things with genuine curiosity and intent to learn, people become much more open to sharing their true objections and then noticing when their views may not add up.
“Seeking ’no’s” is a concept that applies everywhere though, and most people don’t do it nearly enough.
I think there isn’t a consistent change in policy that’s best in all the examples, but all the examples show someone who might benefit from recognizing the common dynamic that all the examples illustrate.