Thanks! Your comment made me realize I built sort of trap for myself: I would go for meta when I would be tired, telling myself “hey, maybe I’m not pushing on The Thing, but at least I’m pushing on it indirectly.” But that slowly moved me farther and farther away from The Thing because if I can keeping pushing on it with less energy by going meta, why would I ever push on the object-level which costs more energy for the same effect?
But the effect is not the same of course. I just tricked myself.
Also, from your other comment, the pots theory really resonated because it sounds so much like play—making 50 pots creates so much space for experimentation and silliness!
This makes me think maybe there’s more to explore about rest for you? Like, maybe you’re not doing more object level because you’re out of energy, and with more energy you’d automatically do more. Maybe a bottleneck is learning how to properly rest instead of spending down whatever energy you have (an issue I struggle with too). Maybe you’re doing a perfectly reasonable amount of actual work, but are holding yourself to an unrealistic standard.
I’m not confident in any of the specifics but if fatigue is what pushes you from object level to meta it seems worth exploring.
I spent a long time simplifying my life so that the number of things I needed to do really was manageable (which included limiting my freelance work to things that were either short or didn’t have deadlines. This required strategy and sacrifice on my end, but I also feel like I should own that I had other gifts that made it easier, like a set of skills people will sometimes pay a lot for even when I won’t do tight deadlines).
It was often hard for me to know what I was capable of because it fluctuates and because I sometimes won’t realize I’m spending down reserves until they’re gone, so it was really important not just that the overall workload be low, but that I be able to suddenly peace out without it being a disaster.
I also had to give up doing The Most Important Thing, in favor of Something That Will Actually Get Done. I think EA/rationality memes are paralyzing to a certain type of person, and what I really needed at the time was to do small things, for lots of reasons. the cumulative finishing of small things freed up energy in my life, it built a sense of efficacy, and it gave me information that was eventually useful in doing bigger things. I talk about this some here,
An intermediate point was, when choosing what to do for a day or week, forcing myself to think of one or two alternatives and choose between them. I didn’t have to pick the absolute best choice (which was I probably right was impossible, and was parayzling even if i was wrong), but I did have to think about my choice at all. This naturally built up the skill of identifying and choosing between options.
After things had been going well for several years, I started to get a sense that I really wanted more continuity and long term investment in my projects. This was different than the previous big-thinking, which was mostly about making other people happy (see the post I linked above). It was more like an itch, or a nutrient I needed. That started a little under two years ago. I spent the first year trying stuff, little of which panned out but I think I was following the right algorithm.
A little over one year ago I made a list of potential projects and resources they needed, and it became clear that getting myself more energy and time should be my top priority. Of ways to do that sleep was probably the most influential, except it was also affected by most things, so that didn’t really add much clarity. I spent three months with medical stuff being my primary focus, most of which was useless but at the very end I found a magic device that improved my life by 2 points out of 10 (unfortunately this only replicates for a few people).
I started creating or signing up for bigger commitments. I recently finished 2 months teaching at a summer program, and my next few months are spoken for by grants I applied for back in July (which was a big step for me, to be confident I’d want to stick with anything that long, and that I could predict it two months ahead of time). I’m currently in the middle of figuring out a project management system that will support my new workload, in addition to actually doing the work.
Something I want to caution here is that, if you’re like me, your body will eventually go on strike unless it believes in what you’re doing. So it was important to get myself internally aligned and pointed in the right direction before I stepped on the accelerator.
Thank you for sharing that. Parts of it resonate very strongly, like being unable to know how much fuel I have left, or practicing making choices, or the need for strategy (which is just dawning on me). It’s helpful to know that someone else has walked this path, at least the common part of it, and made it farther along.
Thanks! Your comment made me realize I built sort of trap for myself: I would go for meta when I would be tired, telling myself “hey, maybe I’m not pushing on The Thing, but at least I’m pushing on it indirectly.” But that slowly moved me farther and farther away from The Thing because if I can keeping pushing on it with less energy by going meta, why would I ever push on the object-level which costs more energy for the same effect?
But the effect is not the same of course. I just tricked myself.
Also, from your other comment, the pots theory really resonated because it sounds so much like play—making 50 pots creates so much space for experimentation and silliness!
This makes me think maybe there’s more to explore about rest for you? Like, maybe you’re not doing more object level because you’re out of energy, and with more energy you’d automatically do more. Maybe a bottleneck is learning how to properly rest instead of spending down whatever energy you have (an issue I struggle with too). Maybe you’re doing a perfectly reasonable amount of actual work, but are holding yourself to an unrealistic standard.
I’m not confident in any of the specifics but if fatigue is what pushes you from object level to meta it seems worth exploring.
Funny/uncanny to read this. This is something I’ve just started working on (+improving sleep) maybe two weeks ago.
How does this work for you if you don’t mind me asking?
I spent a long time simplifying my life so that the number of things I needed to do really was manageable (which included limiting my freelance work to things that were either short or didn’t have deadlines. This required strategy and sacrifice on my end, but I also feel like I should own that I had other gifts that made it easier, like a set of skills people will sometimes pay a lot for even when I won’t do tight deadlines).
It was often hard for me to know what I was capable of because it fluctuates and because I sometimes won’t realize I’m spending down reserves until they’re gone, so it was really important not just that the overall workload be low, but that I be able to suddenly peace out without it being a disaster.
I also had to give up doing The Most Important Thing, in favor of Something That Will Actually Get Done. I think EA/rationality memes are paralyzing to a certain type of person, and what I really needed at the time was to do small things, for lots of reasons. the cumulative finishing of small things freed up energy in my life, it built a sense of efficacy, and it gave me information that was eventually useful in doing bigger things. I talk about this some here,
An intermediate point was, when choosing what to do for a day or week, forcing myself to think of one or two alternatives and choose between them. I didn’t have to pick the absolute best choice (which was I probably right was impossible, and was parayzling even if i was wrong), but I did have to think about my choice at all. This naturally built up the skill of identifying and choosing between options.
After things had been going well for several years, I started to get a sense that I really wanted more continuity and long term investment in my projects. This was different than the previous big-thinking, which was mostly about making other people happy (see the post I linked above). It was more like an itch, or a nutrient I needed. That started a little under two years ago. I spent the first year trying stuff, little of which panned out but I think I was following the right algorithm.
A little over one year ago I made a list of potential projects and resources they needed, and it became clear that getting myself more energy and time should be my top priority. Of ways to do that sleep was probably the most influential, except it was also affected by most things, so that didn’t really add much clarity. I spent three months with medical stuff being my primary focus, most of which was useless but at the very end I found a magic device that improved my life by 2 points out of 10 (unfortunately this only replicates for a few people).
I started creating or signing up for bigger commitments. I recently finished 2 months teaching at a summer program, and my next few months are spoken for by grants I applied for back in July (which was a big step for me, to be confident I’d want to stick with anything that long, and that I could predict it two months ahead of time). I’m currently in the middle of figuring out a project management system that will support my new workload, in addition to actually doing the work.
Something I want to caution here is that, if you’re like me, your body will eventually go on strike unless it believes in what you’re doing. So it was important to get myself internally aligned and pointed in the right direction before I stepped on the accelerator.
Thank you for sharing that. Parts of it resonate very strongly, like being unable to know how much fuel I have left, or practicing making choices, or the need for strategy (which is just dawning on me). It’s helpful to know that someone else has walked this path, at least the common part of it, and made it farther along.