what are some signs that someone isn’t doing frame control? [...]
They give you power over them, like indications that they want your approval or unconditional support in areas you are superior to them. They signal to you that they are vulnerable to you.
There was a discussion on the Sam Harris podcast where he talks about the alarming frequency at which leaders of meditation communities end up abusing, controlling or sleeping with their students. I can’t seem to find the episode name now.
But I remember being impressed with the podcast guest, a meditation teacher, who said they had seen this happening all around them and before they took over as the leader of their meditation centre had tried to put in place things to stop themselves falling into the same traps.
They had taken their family and closest friends aside and asked them for help, saying things to this effect: “If you ever see me slipping into behaviour that looks dodgy I need you to point it out to me immediately and in no uncertain terms. Even though I’ve experienced awakening I’m still fallible and I don’t know how I’m going to handle all this power and all these beautiful young students wanting to sleep with me.”
This kind of mindset is a norm I’d love to see encouraged and supported in the leaders of the rationalist community.
From his sales page
Sounds like he’s defining enlightenment as something that ~50% of people already experience.
Elsewhere he describes ‘Location 1’ enlightenment as a background sense of okayness that doesn’t include any kind of non-dual experience and can be interrupted by negative thoughts and emotions.
I can believe that people agreeing with a statement like ‘underneath everything I feel that I’m fundamentally okay’ might be measuring something psychologically important – but it isn’t what most people mean when they use words like enlightenment or persistently awakened.
(P.S. thanks for writing this up and really happy that you got so much from the loving-kindness meditation!)