I have a weird story about me and living with people—I’ve never heard of anything else like it, but this crowd is as likely a place as any to see if someone else has experienced or heard of something similar.
Up into adulthood, I was moderately bad at social interaction, and also not interested in “that boring people stuff”. When Asperger’s came on the public radar, I wondered if I had it (I’m 57-- if I’d been born later, there might have been an effort at diagnosis and treatment, but as it was, I was simply the sort of person who deserved to be bullied), but the emotional tone for people with Asperger’s seemed to be that they tried to be social, couldn’t make it work, and were sad about it. I was angry, and I hadn’t tried especially hard, either. I was inclined to think I had a combination of being naturally somewhat socially inept and having grown up in an emotionally abusive family.
Anyway, sometime in my 30s (I don’t have the autistic thing about dates), I was at an Alexander Technique workshop led by Tommy Thompson who has a background in meditation, and he had the class pair off and pay attention to each other for what was probably one or two minutes. That was when I found out that I’d had a lifelong pattern of my attention skidding away quickly whenever I was faced with a human being, and it didn’t have to be like that.
It didn’t feel as though I was learning not to have a bad habit, it felt like a developmental stage I’d missed. Being able to notice and pay attention to people as having long term patterns was an instant and permanent change for me, including that I came into much better focus for myself and that I was more interested in fictional characters.
I overestimated how complete the change was, and therapy at that time probably would have been a very good idea, but I’ve gradually become more social—to the point where I can actually enjoy (reasonably intelligent) mundane conversation for an hour or two at a time, though I do start to get lack-of-abstraction claustrophobia after a while. I’m going to see if there’s some way to get people out of the highly concrete chitchat vortex. (I recently spent a couple of hours with computer word game social group, and only found out afterwards that one of them was pacifist lawyer who works with conscientious objectors and is very glad to talk about it—would have been much more interesting that the conversation I was in.)
Aside from my particular story, I’m beginning to wonder if a lot of what seems like innate incompetence (being bad at math for example) is that sort of correctable attentional skid.
I can actually enjoy (reasonably intelligent) mundane conversation for an hour or two at a time, though I do start to get lack-of-abstraction claustrophobia after a while. I’m going to see if there’s some way to get people out of the highly concrete chitchat vortex.
I love the terms “lack-of-abstraction claustrophobia” and “highly concrete chitchat vortex.” You have a way with words.
In my experience conversations may start with mundane subject matter, but with interesting and intelligent people, they dive off into abstraction and more interesting topics. For instance, what people do usually comes up early on, like with the pacifist lawyer, and that gives you a chance to talk about more interesting things. I tend to like asking probing questions early on, or casually throwing out some of my interests, and seeing what comes up.
Thanks for the story! I share your relative disinterest in extended small talk, and also your skepticism for high-functioning AS as a scalar diagnosis of permanent personality type, rather than as a current description of a vector of modifiable skill levels. I came in at a 23 on the Wired poll, and I think I would have come in about 6 points higher if I’d taken the quiz when I was, say, 12 years old.
I have often had trouble interacting with and bonding with peers for some of the reasons listed in the article, but my experience of overcoming the difficulties has not been one of finding logical workarounds, but of practicing social skills and getting constructive feedback on them until they came to feel more natural. Likewise, someone who is generally intelligent but “bad at math” might not be significantly different in their capacity to learn math from a “math prodigy;” they might just be stuck in a negative feedback loop.
I don’t have a general skepticism about AS as describing permanent traits—my story seems to be very unusual, and it’s quite possible that most people who are diagnosed (or even self-diagnosed) with AS may really have a distinctive brain structure and set of talents and deficiencies.
I come in at 22 on the Wired test.
I have a weird story about me and living with people—I’ve never heard of anything else like it, but this crowd is as likely a place as any to see if someone else has experienced or heard of something similar.
Up into adulthood, I was moderately bad at social interaction, and also not interested in “that boring people stuff”. When Asperger’s came on the public radar, I wondered if I had it (I’m 57-- if I’d been born later, there might have been an effort at diagnosis and treatment, but as it was, I was simply the sort of person who deserved to be bullied), but the emotional tone for people with Asperger’s seemed to be that they tried to be social, couldn’t make it work, and were sad about it. I was angry, and I hadn’t tried especially hard, either. I was inclined to think I had a combination of being naturally somewhat socially inept and having grown up in an emotionally abusive family.
Anyway, sometime in my 30s (I don’t have the autistic thing about dates), I was at an Alexander Technique workshop led by Tommy Thompson who has a background in meditation, and he had the class pair off and pay attention to each other for what was probably one or two minutes. That was when I found out that I’d had a lifelong pattern of my attention skidding away quickly whenever I was faced with a human being, and it didn’t have to be like that.
It didn’t feel as though I was learning not to have a bad habit, it felt like a developmental stage I’d missed. Being able to notice and pay attention to people as having long term patterns was an instant and permanent change for me, including that I came into much better focus for myself and that I was more interested in fictional characters.
I overestimated how complete the change was, and therapy at that time probably would have been a very good idea, but I’ve gradually become more social—to the point where I can actually enjoy (reasonably intelligent) mundane conversation for an hour or two at a time, though I do start to get lack-of-abstraction claustrophobia after a while. I’m going to see if there’s some way to get people out of the highly concrete chitchat vortex. (I recently spent a couple of hours with computer word game social group, and only found out afterwards that one of them was pacifist lawyer who works with conscientious objectors and is very glad to talk about it—would have been much more interesting that the conversation I was in.)
Aside from my particular story, I’m beginning to wonder if a lot of what seems like innate incompetence (being bad at math for example) is that sort of correctable attentional skid.
I love the terms “lack-of-abstraction claustrophobia” and “highly concrete chitchat vortex.” You have a way with words.
In my experience conversations may start with mundane subject matter, but with interesting and intelligent people, they dive off into abstraction and more interesting topics. For instance, what people do usually comes up early on, like with the pacifist lawyer, and that gives you a chance to talk about more interesting things. I tend to like asking probing questions early on, or casually throwing out some of my interests, and seeing what comes up.
It’s possible that the problem was a bunch of people who’d known each other for a long time—I was there with a friend.
Thanks for the story! I share your relative disinterest in extended small talk, and also your skepticism for high-functioning AS as a scalar diagnosis of permanent personality type, rather than as a current description of a vector of modifiable skill levels. I came in at a 23 on the Wired poll, and I think I would have come in about 6 points higher if I’d taken the quiz when I was, say, 12 years old.
I have often had trouble interacting with and bonding with peers for some of the reasons listed in the article, but my experience of overcoming the difficulties has not been one of finding logical workarounds, but of practicing social skills and getting constructive feedback on them until they came to feel more natural. Likewise, someone who is generally intelligent but “bad at math” might not be significantly different in their capacity to learn math from a “math prodigy;” they might just be stuck in a negative feedback loop.
I don’t have a general skepticism about AS as describing permanent traits—my story seems to be very unusual, and it’s quite possible that most people who are diagnosed (or even self-diagnosed) with AS may really have a distinctive brain structure and set of talents and deficiencies.