I’m old, and my memories of being young, poor, and having multiple roommates I don’t know and love are rather distant. I never saw co-living as particularly attractive, and I’ve long been in the “good fences make good neighbors” camp, so I’m likely not the target of this warning.
But I think there are some good, general, pieces of advice that could be extracted from this—I’d frame them as recommendations, rather than as warnings. They apply to ANY sharing of significant parts of your life, not just Bay-area group houses. I wish I’d read it before going into business with some acquaintances.
Don’t do it for the money. It’s fine to save money when possible, but that should never be the primary reason for a living arrangement. Do it because you expect to enjoy and be satisfied with the daily experiences.
Culture and “fit” matters more than you think. Don’t go into it without knowing what’s important to you and what’s important to your partner(s).
Yes, “partner(s)”. Anyone you’re living that closely with on a day-to-day basis is more than an asset-share arrangement. You have shared goals and habits that affect each other’s happiness.
Have an exit plan (preferably multiple). Know what you will do if it becomes too painful.
Have exit triggers. Know what “too painful” means. Decide in advance how bad it’ll get before you have to live in your car (or whatever your worst-case exit plan is).
Have a way to track positive and negative experiences. Don’t trust your memory to know what happened last week. This is key to staying somewhat objective about the exit triggers. You don’t want to be too objective (and you really don’t want to use this as evidence to beat your housemates up), as this is all about your emotional evaluation of your living situation. But you also don’t want to overreact to temporary problems.
Don’t trust your memory to know what happened last week.
This applies more generally to relationships including business ones of all kinds. “Last week” is pretty accurate (though it can sometimes be mere hours if strong emotions are involved).
If there is a wiki page on group houses, this definitely belongs there.
I like the idea of co-living with other rationalists (in theory, never tried it), but I would definitely want to be able to leave quickly if I ever changed my mind.
I’m old, and my memories of being young, poor, and having multiple roommates I don’t know and love are rather distant. I never saw co-living as particularly attractive, and I’ve long been in the “good fences make good neighbors” camp, so I’m likely not the target of this warning.
But I think there are some good, general, pieces of advice that could be extracted from this—I’d frame them as recommendations, rather than as warnings. They apply to ANY sharing of significant parts of your life, not just Bay-area group houses. I wish I’d read it before going into business with some acquaintances.
Don’t do it for the money. It’s fine to save money when possible, but that should never be the primary reason for a living arrangement. Do it because you expect to enjoy and be satisfied with the daily experiences.
Culture and “fit” matters more than you think. Don’t go into it without knowing what’s important to you and what’s important to your partner(s).
Yes, “partner(s)”. Anyone you’re living that closely with on a day-to-day basis is more than an asset-share arrangement. You have shared goals and habits that affect each other’s happiness.
Have an exit plan (preferably multiple). Know what you will do if it becomes too painful.
Have exit triggers. Know what “too painful” means. Decide in advance how bad it’ll get before you have to live in your car (or whatever your worst-case exit plan is).
Have a way to track positive and negative experiences. Don’t trust your memory to know what happened last week. This is key to staying somewhat objective about the exit triggers. You don’t want to be too objective (and you really don’t want to use this as evidence to beat your housemates up), as this is all about your emotional evaluation of your living situation. But you also don’t want to overreact to temporary problems.
This applies more generally to relationships including business ones of all kinds. “Last week” is pretty accurate (though it can sometimes be mere hours if strong emotions are involved).
If there is a wiki page on group houses, this definitely belongs there.
I like the idea of co-living with other rationalists (in theory, never tried it), but I would definitely want to be able to leave quickly if I ever changed my mind.