I run into frustration about this. People with monolithic assumptions about how identities function seem untrustworthy to me (even those with trustworthiness as part of their identity) because they often don’t seem to fundamentally grasp the idea of exploring un-endorsed emotional reactions, even if they claim to get it on an intellectual level.
i.e. if I hear a person talking about what counts as their ‘true self’ or ‘deeply held values’ I won’t be fully candid around them.
For a while I had almost the reverse direction—if people didn’t have a sense of their deepest values or a strong sense of identity, I had trouble trusting them because they could be anyone or take on any value at any moment, I didn’t know if the “them” I told the secret to would be the same “them” that had a chance to tell the secret to someone else.
Since then I’ve realized there’s multiple levels of consistency and meta-consistency both above and below identity, and just look for some level of consistency to see in what ways I can trust a person.
I run into frustration about this. People with monolithic assumptions about how identities function seem untrustworthy to me (even those with trustworthiness as part of their identity) because they often don’t seem to fundamentally grasp the idea of exploring un-endorsed emotional reactions, even if they claim to get it on an intellectual level.
i.e. if I hear a person talking about what counts as their ‘true self’ or ‘deeply held values’ I won’t be fully candid around them.
For a while I had almost the reverse direction—if people didn’t have a sense of their deepest values or a strong sense of identity, I had trouble trusting them because they could be anyone or take on any value at any moment, I didn’t know if the “them” I told the secret to would be the same “them” that had a chance to tell the secret to someone else.
Since then I’ve realized there’s multiple levels of consistency and meta-consistency both above and below identity, and just look for some level of consistency to see in what ways I can trust a person.
Is this related to privacy in particular, or something kinda adjacent? Interested in some more thoughts here.
taking things said as indicative of attitudes or repeatable when they occurred in a high trust container such as circling.
Could you give an example of exploring un-endorsed emotional reactions? How is this related to having deeply held values?