I can’t help myself from questioning the example provided.
Friend #1 asked out his love interest and she said yes. It turns out, however, that another one of his friends had gone on a few dates with her and assumed they would be going to prom together! Friend #1 knew about the dates but assumed this wasn’t a big deal. To friend #2, this was a very big deal.
Like, Friend #1 is just a bad friend?
Friend #1′s mistake wasn’t asking someone out; …
Yes, it was?
...it was not recognizing that friend #2 had built (arguably unreasonable) expectations around an ongoing courtship.
It was not recognising that Friend #2 had built a completely reasonable expectation that his friend, who a) is aware of the dates b) is his friend, won’t interfere in that?
Maybe we just have an object-level disagreement about dating culture, though.
Sometimes you are a bad friend in ways that you don’t realise; everyone has their blind spots. Telling people before taking actions that affect them can let you adjust your expectations before doing something you don’t realise is harmful.
I actually agree that friend #1 is a bad friend but I acknowledge this is specific to my context. Expectations relating to this kind of thing though vary a lot for different subcultures in my experience so I didn’t want to editorialize too much or distract from my core argument.
The reason I say “arguably unreasonable” or that “Friend #1′s mistake wasn’t asking someone out” is that weather or not he is a good person or did a good thing isn’t relevant to issue I’m describing. Regardless of weather his actions where good or bad, they weren’t smart/rational/useful for accomplishing his goals and they only made his situation worse. The mistake he was making was:
He was being a bad friend (but this is really a whole different issue and many readers would probably disagree)
He didn’t realize that his actions would lead to an explosive argument which would go on to destroy his social life.
Because a lot of readers may object to #1 and arguing this isn’t necessary in my opinion, I kept my focus to #2.
I can’t help myself from questioning the example provided.
Like, Friend #1 is just a bad friend?
Yes, it was?
It was not recognising that Friend #2 had built a completely reasonable expectation that his friend, who a) is aware of the dates b) is his friend, won’t interfere in that?
Maybe we just have an object-level disagreement about dating culture, though.
Sometimes you are a bad friend in ways that you don’t realise; everyone has their blind spots. Telling people before taking actions that affect them can let you adjust your expectations before doing something you don’t realise is harmful.
I actually agree that friend #1 is a bad friend but I acknowledge this is specific to my context. Expectations relating to this kind of thing though vary a lot for different subcultures in my experience so I didn’t want to editorialize too much or distract from my core argument.
The reason I say “arguably unreasonable” or that “Friend #1′s mistake wasn’t asking someone out” is that weather or not he is a good person or did a good thing isn’t relevant to issue I’m describing. Regardless of weather his actions where good or bad, they weren’t smart/rational/useful for accomplishing his goals and they only made his situation worse. The mistake he was making was:
He was being a bad friend (but this is really a whole different issue and many readers would probably disagree)
He didn’t realize that his actions would lead to an explosive argument which would go on to destroy his social life.
Because a lot of readers may object to #1 and arguing this isn’t necessary in my opinion, I kept my focus to #2.