Changing someone’s mind is an incredibly difficult thing to do. In this situation, I would ask myself: is this what I want to pour my time and effort into? Is this the most important thing for me to do right now?
What has worked for me in the past is re-evaluating the situation. Assuming that neither of you will budge, is there an equilibrium you can reach—both now and when you move away? “Walking away” often feels like the only viable option, but in reality, there is usually a whole spectrum of possible options. What would work for you? What are the topics you care and that you want to share with your mother? What are the topics she cares about and wants to share with you? (Is there overlap?) The answers might lead you to finding a new equilibrium, even if it’s “meeting my mother twice a year, talking only about food and pets.”
Also, because I read the last sentence of your post in a somewhat struggling tone (which may not be true, because words on a screen), I can share that doing a few sessions of talk therapy can be really helpful in a situation like this.
Is this the most important thing for me to do right now?
To be honest, my mind draws a blank here. While it is not my top priority, the things as they are now might impact my mother’s health and sanity in the future. I wish there were a way to save everyone.
The issue comes from the default mode of “distrust authority and anyone with power while prioritizing persecuted-looking people’s words”. This comes from the elderly generation having grown in the totalitarian regime. A reasonable concern, but it also helps them discard any scientific papers if the guts disagree. Add to that scarce knowing of statistics, and we get what we get.
This was just a side note of why I might not succeed.
Also, because I read the last sentence of your post in a somewhat struggling tone (which may not be true, because words on a screen), I can share that doing a few sessions of talk therapy can be really helpful in a situation like this.
Yeah, you nailed me, but I think I can manage for the time being. I draw on joy and peace in other parts of my life. Not to mention talk therapy is expensive, and I’d have to be in significant trouble to prioritize allocating resources for that.
Changing someone’s mind is an incredibly difficult thing to do. In this situation, I would ask myself: is this what I want to pour my time and effort into? Is this the most important thing for me to do right now?
What has worked for me in the past is re-evaluating the situation. Assuming that neither of you will budge, is there an equilibrium you can reach—both now and when you move away? “Walking away” often feels like the only viable option, but in reality, there is usually a whole spectrum of possible options. What would work for you? What are the topics you care and that you want to share with your mother? What are the topics she cares about and wants to share with you? (Is there overlap?) The answers might lead you to finding a new equilibrium, even if it’s “meeting my mother twice a year, talking only about food and pets.”
Also, because I read the last sentence of your post in a somewhat struggling tone (which may not be true, because words on a screen), I can share that doing a few sessions of talk therapy can be really helpful in a situation like this.
Thank you for your thoughts.
To be honest, my mind draws a blank here. While it is not my top priority, the things as they are now might impact my mother’s health and sanity in the future. I wish there were a way to save everyone.
The issue comes from the default mode of “distrust authority and anyone with power while prioritizing persecuted-looking people’s words”. This comes from the elderly generation having grown in the totalitarian regime. A reasonable concern, but it also helps them discard any scientific papers if the guts disagree. Add to that scarce knowing of statistics, and we get what we get.
This was just a side note of why I might not succeed.
Yeah, you nailed me, but I think I can manage for the time being. I draw on joy and peace in other parts of my life. Not to mention talk therapy is expensive, and I’d have to be in significant trouble to prioritize allocating resources for that.