I don’t know what people usually mean when they say that nerds have poor social skills. But I say that nerd communities function worse than regular communities. It’s not just that nerds don’t know how to flirt with regular people, but nerds have great difficulty flirting with nerds.
Also nerds would prefer to hang out with normal people. This means that any normal person willing to hang out with nerds instantly gains high status within a nerd community. Also, nerds are perfectly willing to exile the more social inept nerds from their communities for the chance to have a normal person join. Tragically this tends to create a slippery slope that ends with nerds being exiled from their own communities.
It would be useful for this conversation to taboo the word “nerd” and stick to “nerd1“ for “people with poor social skills” and “nerd2” for “people with a scientific, mathematics, or computing background who are into fantasy fiction, role-playing games and the like”. (I was temped to say “dork” and “geek” instead.) And perhaps “normal1“ for “people with decent social skills” and “normal2” for “people who are into mainstream hobbies such as football and television” (and “normal3″ for “people with IQ within about one sigma of the average”, etc.).
Look at where the interests come from! Usually they come from being ostracized and low-ranking as a kid. The Game of Life—competing for social status points, mating and so on—is generally the most exciting one plain simply because it is REAL. Those who lose it, being ostracized, dominated, bullied etc. take refugee in fantasy or intellectual interests. It is both an escapism and a way to rebuild the shattered ego, by claiming to be better than those by having more smarter or refined interests.
I don’t know what people usually mean when they say that nerds have poor social skills. But I say that nerd communities function worse than regular communities. It’s not just that nerds don’t know how to flirt with regular people, but nerds have great difficulty flirting with nerds.
Also nerds would prefer to hang out with normal people. This means that any normal person willing to hang out with nerds instantly gains high status within a nerd community. Also, nerds are perfectly willing to exile the more social inept nerds from their communities for the chance to have a normal person join. Tragically this tends to create a slippery slope that ends with nerds being exiled from their own communities.
It would be useful for this conversation to taboo the word “nerd” and stick to “nerd1“ for “people with poor social skills” and “nerd2” for “people with a scientific, mathematics, or computing background who are into fantasy fiction, role-playing games and the like”. (I was temped to say “dork” and “geek” instead.) And perhaps “normal1“ for “people with decent social skills” and “normal2” for “people who are into mainstream hobbies such as football and television” (and “normal3″ for “people with IQ within about one sigma of the average”, etc.).
Look at where the interests come from! Usually they come from being ostracized and low-ranking as a kid. The Game of Life—competing for social status points, mating and so on—is generally the most exciting one plain simply because it is REAL. Those who lose it, being ostracized, dominated, bullied etc. take refugee in fantasy or intellectual interests. It is both an escapism and a way to rebuild the shattered ego, by claiming to be better than those by having more smarter or refined interests.
What? I prefer spending time with people who pretty much care about what I care about, and that’s mostly nerds.
Why do you think nerds would rather hang out with normal people?
Would they?