Thanks for this comment; I don’t know about social interaction being really fucking easy, but I agree wholeheartedly with your recommendations for how to see other people.
Seeing this modeled in the people around me has had a huge positive impact in my life. I’m surrounded by people who, while not skilled at rationality, continually look for the potential and value in other people and openly strategize about how to nurture that viewpoint. (Of course, it would be even better if they were also skilled rationalists, and I’m trying to add that component into my community life as well.)
I’m not sure how many, but I think most people around here are “pro-human” in the sense of thinking every persons life, happiness, and fulfillment is a value to be ultimately pursued (though I make no argument about the opportunity cost of doing so in general at the current time.) Accepting this on an intellectual level is different than emotionally integrating it, and the emotional integration of this has been really fulfilling for me, as well as having the positive impacts on social interaction that you mention.
I think the tendency to feel negative toward “baselines” can be seen as an attribution error in light of those values. You may be annoyed/disgusted/confused by the other person’s lack of understanding in the moment, but the cause of your response can be seen as conditional to that situation, and you can remind yourself of all the good things you would wish for this person given the ability to make them happen.
I’d tentatively recommend anyone finding themselves feeling negative toward “baselines” cultivate a group of people around them who take this view, even if they have bad epistemics. I hear that Unitarian Universalists may be good for this, as they’re open to atheists while having some of the same pro-human community values. My recommendation is tentative, since I think other people may respond differently to the trade-off of community epistemics versus nurturing this viewpoint; but if you have people around you who can satisfy both, then spend time with them!
Edit: I think I want to add a warning/disagreement that you don’t want to end up being condescending or fatherly/motherly unless it’s an appropriate relationship for that. This is one of the ways interaction isn’t easy. But I do find it really helpful to cultivate this as an internal viewpoint.
Thanks for the reply. The part about it being “really easy” was a glib attempt at humor, in the same vein as saying, “Losing weight is really easy: you just stop eating so much and start working out more!” Or “It’s easy to quit smoking, just don’t smoke!” As with many things in life there’s a big gap between knowing what one should do and then actually doing it.
As you said, intellectually accepting something tends to be much easier than emotionally integrating it. I wish I had better advice when it came to that part of things. The best I can do is just point to the key premise behind social skills and hope to highlight some mistakes that smart people tend to make when approaching the issue.
Another example of what you mention in your first paragraph that I’ve said before: It’s easy to break the world record in any running event. Just run faster than the world record holder did!
It should be fairly obvious that it’s not just a case of running faster. A list of necessary conditions for success is not a solution. (Though it can be a good start.)
Defining the success conditions is a critical first step, and you’d be surprised at how many people don’t do that. Many people frame their goals as a state-of-being, e.g. “I want to be the fastest runner in the world” rather than a success-condition, e.g. “I want to beat the current world record holder.”
Thanks for this comment; I don’t know about social interaction being really fucking easy, but I agree wholeheartedly with your recommendations for how to see other people.
Seeing this modeled in the people around me has had a huge positive impact in my life. I’m surrounded by people who, while not skilled at rationality, continually look for the potential and value in other people and openly strategize about how to nurture that viewpoint. (Of course, it would be even better if they were also skilled rationalists, and I’m trying to add that component into my community life as well.)
I’m not sure how many, but I think most people around here are “pro-human” in the sense of thinking every persons life, happiness, and fulfillment is a value to be ultimately pursued (though I make no argument about the opportunity cost of doing so in general at the current time.) Accepting this on an intellectual level is different than emotionally integrating it, and the emotional integration of this has been really fulfilling for me, as well as having the positive impacts on social interaction that you mention.
I think the tendency to feel negative toward “baselines” can be seen as an attribution error in light of those values. You may be annoyed/disgusted/confused by the other person’s lack of understanding in the moment, but the cause of your response can be seen as conditional to that situation, and you can remind yourself of all the good things you would wish for this person given the ability to make them happen.
I’d tentatively recommend anyone finding themselves feeling negative toward “baselines” cultivate a group of people around them who take this view, even if they have bad epistemics. I hear that Unitarian Universalists may be good for this, as they’re open to atheists while having some of the same pro-human community values. My recommendation is tentative, since I think other people may respond differently to the trade-off of community epistemics versus nurturing this viewpoint; but if you have people around you who can satisfy both, then spend time with them!
Edit: I think I want to add a warning/disagreement that you don’t want to end up being condescending or fatherly/motherly unless it’s an appropriate relationship for that. This is one of the ways interaction isn’t easy. But I do find it really helpful to cultivate this as an internal viewpoint.
Thanks for the reply. The part about it being “really easy” was a glib attempt at humor, in the same vein as saying, “Losing weight is really easy: you just stop eating so much and start working out more!” Or “It’s easy to quit smoking, just don’t smoke!” As with many things in life there’s a big gap between knowing what one should do and then actually doing it.
As you said, intellectually accepting something tends to be much easier than emotionally integrating it. I wish I had better advice when it came to that part of things. The best I can do is just point to the key premise behind social skills and hope to highlight some mistakes that smart people tend to make when approaching the issue.
Another example of what you mention in your first paragraph that I’ve said before: It’s easy to break the world record in any running event. Just run faster than the world record holder did!
It should be fairly obvious that it’s not just a case of running faster. A list of necessary conditions for success is not a solution. (Though it can be a good start.)
I go into this in further detail in this post
Defining the success conditions is a critical first step, and you’d be surprised at how many people don’t do that. Many people frame their goals as a state-of-being, e.g. “I want to be the fastest runner in the world” rather than a success-condition, e.g. “I want to beat the current world record holder.”