It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I first consciously noticed that I was incapable of using other people’s names to their faces. I could do it with immediate family, and I could do it in third person “Howard was telling me...” I have since made strenuous efforts to get better at it, but it is still really psychologically difficult. That’s also when I realized that it was almost impossible for me to leave a message on an answering machine. I’m working on that one too, but doing so is a serious effort. One of my roommates my freshman year of college had the same issues, but neither of us had a clue why.
It might help to find a friend you can practice with, for the names—if the issue applies to IM/Skype/etc. as well, then you can probably find a practice partner or two right here. Otherwise, hopefully you have an in-person friend who you’d trust to explain this to, and who can encourage you to refer to them by name frequently :)
For answering machines, the same friend can probably help, or you could practice on your own answering machine.
I’ve found that, for most skills, doing really impractical-but-safe practice exercises like this actually really pays off. Even if it doesn’t 100% resolve the issue, it still gives you a good foundation to build on, and helps remind you that the activity CAN be safe.
I sometimes have trouble usings people’s names—I think due to fear that I haven’t remembered them correctly, even if I’m 95% certain or more. If I don’t know the person well it may also seem overly familiar.
That does make it difficult to use the techniques I suggested. Some people do not like other people to use their names because they experience it as an attempt to control them emotionally. They feel it invokes automatic parent-child responses that others ought not have access to.
I think the number of these folks is very low (I’ve only met one person who feels this way). But, if he feels that way, it makes sense that there would be people who might be overwhelmed by the emotional burden of invoking such an emotional response. I certainly feel more burdened when I use his name in the first person. I’m not claiming that’s what’s going on with you. But, your description reminded me of this other person, and we can often gain great insight in hearing something even approximately related to our own difficulties.
As for suggestions, I would suggest that a good, small place to start, if you are able, is to repeat a person’s name immediately after they introduce themselves to you, and leave it at that. I suspect it will help cement a few more names than you otherwise would have, and it might have less emotional impact on you to have a formulaic circumstance in which you can think of using another person’s name with them.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I first consciously noticed that I was incapable of using other people’s names to their faces. I could do it with immediate family, and I could do it in third person “Howard was telling me...” I have since made strenuous efforts to get better at it, but it is still really psychologically difficult. That’s also when I realized that it was almost impossible for me to leave a message on an answering machine. I’m working on that one too, but doing so is a serious effort. One of my roommates my freshman year of college had the same issues, but neither of us had a clue why.
It might help to find a friend you can practice with, for the names—if the issue applies to IM/Skype/etc. as well, then you can probably find a practice partner or two right here. Otherwise, hopefully you have an in-person friend who you’d trust to explain this to, and who can encourage you to refer to them by name frequently :)
For answering machines, the same friend can probably help, or you could practice on your own answering machine.
I’ve found that, for most skills, doing really impractical-but-safe practice exercises like this actually really pays off. Even if it doesn’t 100% resolve the issue, it still gives you a good foundation to build on, and helps remind you that the activity CAN be safe.
I sometimes have trouble usings people’s names—I think due to fear that I haven’t remembered them correctly, even if I’m 95% certain or more. If I don’t know the person well it may also seem overly familiar.
That does make it difficult to use the techniques I suggested. Some people do not like other people to use their names because they experience it as an attempt to control them emotionally. They feel it invokes automatic parent-child responses that others ought not have access to.
I think the number of these folks is very low (I’ve only met one person who feels this way). But, if he feels that way, it makes sense that there would be people who might be overwhelmed by the emotional burden of invoking such an emotional response. I certainly feel more burdened when I use his name in the first person. I’m not claiming that’s what’s going on with you. But, your description reminded me of this other person, and we can often gain great insight in hearing something even approximately related to our own difficulties.
As for suggestions, I would suggest that a good, small place to start, if you are able, is to repeat a person’s name immediately after they introduce themselves to you, and leave it at that. I suspect it will help cement a few more names than you otherwise would have, and it might have less emotional impact on you to have a formulaic circumstance in which you can think of using another person’s name with them.