This article had a big impact on me! I had never even considered the idea that mono vs. poly was a setting you could change, and I discovered that I didn’t have nearly as much of an attachment to monogamy as I had thought.
One problem I’m having is getting started with polyamory in practice. I’m worried that adding another constraint on top of other requirements (i.e. women interested in men, around my age, in Tucson, looking for a romantic relationship, who are rational) will make it hard or impossible to find someone. Any tips?
Assuming you haven’t gone and made irreversible deep hacks in your brain, you could add it as an option instead of a constraint. Find someone you like without paying attention to whether she’s poly or mono; then, find that out, and be whichever she is and carry on from there. Or, if you strongly wish to be poly, look for polyamory groups in your area or something. (I don’t actually know if Tucson has any. But it might.)
Yeah, that optionality is effectively what I’m doing right now, using OKCupid. I don’t see myself checking out polyamory groups any time soon, just because I’m much less sexual than my cached idea of a poly person is and the whole idea still makes me feel somewhat awkward.
I’ve also found proposing a poly relationship is a nice alternative to dumping someone. I just stopped seeing a girl who I would be happy to be date, just not to the exclusion of everyone else (due to availability and pacing differences between us). If she had been amenable to poly, that would have been great, but the mutual break-up went very smoothly.
This article had a big impact on me! I had never even considered the idea that mono vs. poly was a setting you could change, and I discovered that I didn’t have nearly as much of an attachment to monogamy as I had thought.
One problem I’m having is getting started with polyamory in practice. I’m worried that adding another constraint on top of other requirements (i.e. women interested in men, around my age, in Tucson, looking for a romantic relationship, who are rational) will make it hard or impossible to find someone. Any tips?
Assuming you haven’t gone and made irreversible deep hacks in your brain, you could add it as an option instead of a constraint. Find someone you like without paying attention to whether she’s poly or mono; then, find that out, and be whichever she is and carry on from there. Or, if you strongly wish to be poly, look for polyamory groups in your area or something. (I don’t actually know if Tucson has any. But it might.)
Yeah, that optionality is effectively what I’m doing right now, using OKCupid. I don’t see myself checking out polyamory groups any time soon, just because I’m much less sexual than my cached idea of a poly person is and the whole idea still makes me feel somewhat awkward.
I’ve also found proposing a poly relationship is a nice alternative to dumping someone. I just stopped seeing a girl who I would be happy to be date, just not to the exclusion of everyone else (due to availability and pacing differences between us). If she had been amenable to poly, that would have been great, but the mutual break-up went very smoothly.