Did you consider asking me whether your impression (that I was uncomfortable with the cuddling) was true, before I gave you that feedback?
No, in that case the observation was that you were getting tense was clear. I’m not sure whether I could told it visually alone on that day but with physical contact it was quite clear. Is it theoretically possible that you tell yourself in such a situation a story that makes it okay that you get tense when I touch you? Yes, but very unlikely.
There are cases in Salsa dancing where I dance with a woman who’s a beginner. The woman might get a bit tense in close physical contact but tell herself a story that she’s tense because she’s a beginner and that’s just part of being a beginner at Salsa. However even in those cases it’s often good to give the woman a bit of space.
In general people often make up story to explain why they are feeling a certain way that don’t really have much to do with why they actual feel what they feel. If you stimulate a neuron in someone’s brain and that initiates an action, the person will still do his best to make a plausible story of why he engages in that action. The same goes for actions done because of posthypnotic suggestions.
Even if the other person knows why they are reacting the way they do, there are often social reasons why the person might not want to share everything openly.
In your case your suggestion that you felt what you felt because you had a different expectation is interesting. If I act in ways that follow the expectations of other people surely makes it easier for them to model me and therefore easier to interact with me.
Is he trying to initiate more than just friendly conversation?
I don’t see hugging primarily as a means to initiate something. The fact that it feels good is reason enough to do it. In that situation the next reason would be to be more associated with my own body.
I do have a bunch of male friends whom I great in that physical intensity so it doesn’t even have much to do with the fact that you are woman.
Two years ago I did have a time where I pushed the boundaries in regards to trying to go as far as I can in regards to physical intimacy with woman. Today I’m far away from that perspective and I rather do what feels right in a specific moment.
No, in that case the observation was that you were getting tense was clear. I’m not sure whether I could told it visually alone on that day but with physical contact it was quite clear. Is it theoretically possible that you tell yourself in such a situation a story that makes it okay that you get tense when I touch you? Yes, but very unlikely.
There are cases in Salsa dancing where I dance with a woman who’s a beginner. The woman might get a bit tense in close physical contact but tell herself a story that she’s tense because she’s a beginner and that’s just part of being a beginner at Salsa. However even in those cases it’s often good to give the woman a bit of space.
In general people often make up story to explain why they are feeling a certain way that don’t really have much to do with why they actual feel what they feel. If you stimulate a neuron in someone’s brain and that initiates an action, the person will still do his best to make a plausible story of why he engages in that action. The same goes for actions done because of posthypnotic suggestions. Even if the other person knows why they are reacting the way they do, there are often social reasons why the person might not want to share everything openly.
In your case your suggestion that you felt what you felt because you had a different expectation is interesting. If I act in ways that follow the expectations of other people surely makes it easier for them to model me and therefore easier to interact with me.
I don’t see hugging primarily as a means to initiate something. The fact that it feels good is reason enough to do it. In that situation the next reason would be to be more associated with my own body.
I do have a bunch of male friends whom I great in that physical intensity so it doesn’t even have much to do with the fact that you are woman.
Two years ago I did have a time where I pushed the boundaries in regards to trying to go as far as I can in regards to physical intimacy with woman. Today I’m far away from that perspective and I rather do what feels right in a specific moment.