Writing out a list of topics and connections is good but it’s only one part of a conversation. You should also consider various reasons for having a conversation. For instance: passing the time, relieving anxiety, developing a relationship, maintaining a relationship, exchanging information, keeping updated on important information, debating a substantive point, getting someone to relax before asking them for something, being polite, making someone feel welcome, resolving a conflict. And when people have different goals for a conversation, it can be uncomfortable. If someone starts talking when they are nervous and you want to discuss the finer points of evolution, both people will get annoyed. When you are nervous, you want to talk about inane things because they are simple and an easy distraction; talking about science might be too complicated and compound your anxiety. Similarly, if you are really in the mood to talk complex subjects, you don’t want to talk about irrelevant, silly things and can get annoyed because the other person has nothing to offer. (Of course, some people might find talking about science comforting, even if you find it boring. There is no fixed relationship between the inane/serious topic scale and the frivolous/deep conversation scale.)
So, you should develop your ability to know why you and the other person each want to have a conversation. Moreover, you should improve your ability to engage in various types of conversation. Often times, if you start a conversation on their terms, they will get comfortable with you and later on have the conversation you want.
You also have to think of conversation as a bargain between two people. You have a set of topics and conversation types you like/are strong at/want to do and the other person has hers. As with any negotiation, you have to work towards a mutually acceptable compromise. Of course, expanding your list of topics is helpful, because it increases the odds you will find common ground for someone, but your concept map does not necessarily help you quickly find something in common to talk about with another person.
Writing out a list of topics and connections is good but it’s only one part of a conversation. You should also consider various reasons for having a conversation. For instance: passing the time, relieving anxiety, developing a relationship, maintaining a relationship, exchanging information, keeping updated on important information, debating a substantive point, getting someone to relax before asking them for something, being polite, making someone feel welcome, resolving a conflict. And when people have different goals for a conversation, it can be uncomfortable. If someone starts talking when they are nervous and you want to discuss the finer points of evolution, both people will get annoyed. When you are nervous, you want to talk about inane things because they are simple and an easy distraction; talking about science might be too complicated and compound your anxiety. Similarly, if you are really in the mood to talk complex subjects, you don’t want to talk about irrelevant, silly things and can get annoyed because the other person has nothing to offer. (Of course, some people might find talking about science comforting, even if you find it boring. There is no fixed relationship between the inane/serious topic scale and the frivolous/deep conversation scale.)
So, you should develop your ability to know why you and the other person each want to have a conversation. Moreover, you should improve your ability to engage in various types of conversation. Often times, if you start a conversation on their terms, they will get comfortable with you and later on have the conversation you want.
You also have to think of conversation as a bargain between two people. You have a set of topics and conversation types you like/are strong at/want to do and the other person has hers. As with any negotiation, you have to work towards a mutually acceptable compromise. Of course, expanding your list of topics is helpful, because it increases the odds you will find common ground for someone, but your concept map does not necessarily help you quickly find something in common to talk about with another person.