Hal has something there with the eye contact. I think many people don’t even realize the extent to which they are themselves ‘lying’ in social situations. False or mindless compliments you don’t mean, laughing at banal jokes, saying you just love that band, putting on the persona of a 14 (or 55) year-old, strongly declaring ‘opinions’ that have not been thought out, strongly declaring ‘emotions’ that have not been reflected upon, invoking false bonds of kinship over superficialities, trying to be generally ‘likable’ to people at the expense of showing what you really think about the world or them (lie by omission)-- all are forms of dishonesty. Some people just can’t stomach the masquerade. Others learn to exploit it. Others (myself included) are skilled actors, with a closet full of many other people’s skins, though they long for the day when the lines and the costumes are unnecessary… at least not the ones that are no fun to say or wear...
That we presume people directly tell us anything at all about themselves in polite conversation is a fallacy. Anyone of any psychological skill knows the devil is in the details of the subtext. A good actor/expoiter makes eye contact and tells the other person what they are (what they should be) thinking with their reactions.
Eye contact- well that leaves you open to manipulation. If you know you’re no good at this game, best to opt out. Or tell all.
Hal has something there with the eye contact. I think many people don’t even realize the extent to which they are themselves ‘lying’ in social situations. False or mindless compliments you don’t mean, laughing at banal jokes, saying you just love that band, putting on the persona of a 14 (or 55) year-old, strongly declaring ‘opinions’ that have not been thought out, strongly declaring ‘emotions’ that have not been reflected upon, invoking false bonds of kinship over superficialities, trying to be generally ‘likable’ to people at the expense of showing what you really think about the world or them (lie by omission)-- all are forms of dishonesty. Some people just can’t stomach the masquerade. Others learn to exploit it. Others (myself included) are skilled actors, with a closet full of many other people’s skins, though they long for the day when the lines and the costumes are unnecessary… at least not the ones that are no fun to say or wear...
That we presume people directly tell us anything at all about themselves in polite conversation is a fallacy. Anyone of any psychological skill knows the devil is in the details of the subtext. A good actor/expoiter makes eye contact and tells the other person what they are (what they should be) thinking with their reactions.
Eye contact- well that leaves you open to manipulation. If you know you’re no good at this game, best to opt out. Or tell all.