Roughly, different styles of communication cultures (guess, ask, tell) are supported by mutual assumptions of trust in different things (and product hurt and confusion in the absence of that trust). Telling someone you would enjoy a hug is likely to harm a relationship where the other person’s assumptions are aligned with ask or guess, even if you don’t expect the other person to automatically hug you!
You need to coordinate with people on what type of and which particular culture to use (and that coordination usually happens through inference and experimentation). I certainly expect people who happen to coordinate on a Tell Culture to do better, but I doubt that it works as an intervention, unless they make the underlying adjustments in trust.
My thoughts are that you probably havn’t read Malcolm’s post on communication cultures, or you disagree.
Roughly, different styles of communication cultures (guess, ask, tell) are supported by mutual assumptions of trust in different things (and product hurt and confusion in the absence of that trust). Telling someone you would enjoy a hug is likely to harm a relationship where the other person’s assumptions are aligned with ask or guess, even if you don’t expect the other person to automatically hug you!
You need to coordinate with people on what type of and which particular culture to use (and that coordination usually happens through inference and experimentation). I certainly expect people who happen to coordinate on a Tell Culture to do better, but I doubt that it works as an intervention, unless they make the underlying adjustments in trust.
Thanks for linking me to that post. I didn’t read it before, so I learned something new—appreciate it!
Yup, good point about the hug, this was written with the idea that the other would be committed to Tell Culture as well.
Agreed on the key importance of trust, which is point 7 of the list I made.