I really don’t relate to the externalization people use about “lotus-eating”, like, “Facebook is making me addicted, even though I want to be productive.” Implicitly that means the “real” me is into “good” meaningful stuff. And that’s not how it feels. It feels like I have very strong drives towards the bad stuff (like “contacting exes to annoy them”) and Facebook is just a tool that enables me to do what I want, which is why I deleted my account a year ago, because some of my wants harm other people. But the wanting is mine.
In fact, sometimes I feel like “I want to do something cravey but I don’t have anything cravey to do!” That comes up pretty often, tbh: food is only cravey when I’m hungry, videogames and shopping do nothing for me, I quit social media, etc.
I really don’t relate to the externalization people use about “lotus-eating”, like, “Facebook is making me addicted, even though I want to be productive.” Implicitly that means the “real” me is into “good” meaningful stuff. And that’s not how it feels. It feels like I have very strong drives towards the bad stuff (like “contacting exes to annoy them”) and Facebook is just a tool that enables me to do what I want, which is why I deleted my account a year ago, because some of my wants harm other people. But the wanting is mine.
In fact, sometimes I feel like “I want to do something cravey but I don’t have anything cravey to do!” That comes up pretty often, tbh: food is only cravey when I’m hungry, videogames and shopping do nothing for me, I quit social media, etc.
When I want to do something cravey I work on my quantified self stuff. Forms and graphs.