This is the kind of thing I’d like to see more of on here; explaining how to use e.g. language to get along with people who are socially unlike you is hard and being able to do it is important. I laughed at this:
The most common criticism seems to be that adding fluff is a waste of time, insincere, and reduces signal:noise ratio.
… because as I was reading the post, I was hearing in my head every time I’ve heard that excuse from a friend. “It’s just fluff, it shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t mean anything if you just say it automatically …”
It does mean something. It means that you respect the person you’re talking to enough to follow these social mores and support them rather than just sticking pins in their ego. Speaking directly and simply isn’t neutral—it’s actively disrespectful, with the results you describe.
This is the kind of thing I’d like to see more of on here; explaining how to use e.g. language to get along with people who are socially unlike you is hard and being able to do it is important. I laughed at this:
… because as I was reading the post, I was hearing in my head every time I’ve heard that excuse from a friend. “It’s just fluff, it shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t mean anything if you just say it automatically …”
It does mean something. It means that you respect the person you’re talking to enough to follow these social mores and support them rather than just sticking pins in their ego. Speaking directly and simply isn’t neutral—it’s actively disrespectful, with the results you describe.