I may perhaps offer a bit of an idea about something that seems to be similar. We all have feelings, a certain way of apprehending our environment, especially people : other and ourselves. Also, all the stuff that makes us feel non negligible emotions. What you love, what you hate, etc.
The whole pattern of feelings, depicts a certain way it feels to be you, the definite, unique undertone, the certain “cachet”, that your will attach to your experiences or observations.
I can remember certain phases of my life as having a certain undertone, as if, taking a whole slice of my life, it’d have such an undertone, and all particular experiences within, would each have their own “cachet”. Then, a few years later, as I’ve changed, the whole undertone, the emotional drone in the back of my soul, has changed, and so has the particular cachet for for experiences.
Think of bits of my life as if they were objects, and each has its flavor, and that flavor has many subtle details, a pattern of smaller tastes woven together.
Here’s the catch. At some point in your life, for reasons I won’t explain here, that whole undertone, and the cachet, becomes a broken symphony. Then it crumbles, and you’re just left with noise, a feeling of dullness, of segregation with life, people, and everything. As if a veil had been put between you and the whole world. Dulling colors, smells, beauty and ugliness alike. Making you feel like other people aren’t as real as they used to be. Before, there was that spark of warmth, knowing and feeling in yourself, that you were speaking to another human being. Being there, living the experience, creating a bond, etc. All that, gone or dulled enough to make you feel the difference.
But when I see just how it seems that people can’t understand that someone who’s rational, intelligent, and sounds healthy, might still feel pretty deadened inside, I think that I ought to at least try to pass on the idea of how it feels. Without engrossing it by resorting to zombie stories, but without leaving it out of the picture for others to see either.
I can’t exactly point where the difference lies. I can’t express it well. But when I compare my life now, and how it “feels”, and my life before, the difference is striking. That’s in having memories of a past where you have been otherwise, that you can compare, and spot the difference.
I may perhaps offer a bit of an idea about something that seems to be similar. We all have feelings, a certain way of apprehending our environment, especially people : other and ourselves. Also, all the stuff that makes us feel non negligible emotions. What you love, what you hate, etc.
The whole pattern of feelings, depicts a certain way it feels to be you, the definite, unique undertone, the certain “cachet”, that your will attach to your experiences or observations.
I can remember certain phases of my life as having a certain undertone, as if, taking a whole slice of my life, it’d have such an undertone, and all particular experiences within, would each have their own “cachet”. Then, a few years later, as I’ve changed, the whole undertone, the emotional drone in the back of my soul, has changed, and so has the particular cachet for for experiences.
Think of bits of my life as if they were objects, and each has its flavor, and that flavor has many subtle details, a pattern of smaller tastes woven together.
Here’s the catch. At some point in your life, for reasons I won’t explain here, that whole undertone, and the cachet, becomes a broken symphony. Then it crumbles, and you’re just left with noise, a feeling of dullness, of segregation with life, people, and everything. As if a veil had been put between you and the whole world. Dulling colors, smells, beauty and ugliness alike. Making you feel like other people aren’t as real as they used to be. Before, there was that spark of warmth, knowing and feeling in yourself, that you were speaking to another human being. Being there, living the experience, creating a bond, etc. All that, gone or dulled enough to make you feel the difference.
I’ve half jokingly posted about this already, as on the imminst forums. I didn’t take it extra seriously. ( http://www.imminst.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=26513 )
But when I see just how it seems that people can’t understand that someone who’s rational, intelligent, and sounds healthy, might still feel pretty deadened inside, I think that I ought to at least try to pass on the idea of how it feels. Without engrossing it by resorting to zombie stories, but without leaving it out of the picture for others to see either.
I can’t exactly point where the difference lies. I can’t express it well. But when I compare my life now, and how it “feels”, and my life before, the difference is striking. That’s in having memories of a past where you have been otherwise, that you can compare, and spot the difference.