Imagine the average high school clique. They would be very uncomfortable explicitly discussing the rules of the group—even as they enforced them ruthlessly. Further, the teachers, parents, and other adults who knew the students would be just as uncomfortable describing the rules of the clique.
In short, we are socially weird for being willing to discuss the social rules—that our discussion is an improvement doesn’t mean it is statistically ordinary.
we are socially weird for being willing to discuss the social rules
Well...only insofar as we discuss the social rules on Lesswrong itself. No one, not even the high school clique, is uncomfortable with discussing social rules as generalities. I’ve seen school age kids discuss these things as generalities quite enthusiastically when a teacher instigates the discussion.
It’s only when specific names and people are mentioned that the discussion can become dangerous for the speakers. But this is no more true for social rules than it is for other conversations of similar type—for instance, when pointing out flaws of people sitting around you. I don’t think LW is immune to this (for example, the use of the word “phyg” is particularly salient, if usually tongue-in-cheek, example) although the anonymity and fact that very few of us know each other personally does provide some level of protection.
I’ve seen school age kids discuss these things as generalities quite enthusiastically when a teacher instigates the discussion.
I suspect this population was not randomly selected. Otherwise, someone might have explained to me why nerds are unpopular at a time in my life that it might have been actually helpful.
I think the author is needlessly overcomplicating things.
1) People instinctively form tight nit groups of friends with people they like. People they like usually means help them survive and raise offspring. This usually means socially adept, athletic, and attractive.
2) Having friends brings diminishing returns. The more friends a person have, the less they feel the need to make new friends. That’s why the first day of school is vital.
3) Ill feelings develop between sally and bob. Sally talks to Susanne, and now they both bear ill feelings towards Bob. Thus, Bob has descended a rung in the dominance hierarchy.
4) Bob’s vulnerability is a function of how many people Sally can find who will agree with her about him. As a extension of this principle, those with the fewest friends will get the most picked on. The bullies can be both from the popular and unpopular crowd.
5) Factors leading to few friends—lack of social or athletic ability, conspicuous non-conformity via eccentric behavior, dress, or speech, low attractiveness, or misguided use of physical or verbal aggression.
By the power law, approximately 20% of the kids will be friends with 80% of the network. These are the popular kids. As a result of their privileged position, they do not even notice popularity hierarchies...it’s sort of like being white, male, upper middle class, etc. These kids will claim that there is no such thing as “popularity”.
Any random person is likely to find themselves in the bottom 80%. They will find themselves excluded from the main network because the people in the main network already have enough friends. They will fined themselves picked on because they are vulnerable like Bob.
When we call someone a nerd, we refer to a constellation of traits which include intelligence, obscure interests (non-conformity), lack of social skills, lack of fashion sense, lack of athletic ability, and glasses-wearing. Obviously such folks are less likely to be in the top 20%...not because of the intelligence but because of all that other stuff.
But they aren’t the only ones who find themselves unpopular. In fact, a vast segment of the population finds themselves in this position.
Imagine the average high school clique. They would be very uncomfortable explicitly discussing the rules of the group—even as they enforced them ruthlessly. Further, the teachers, parents, and other adults who knew the students would be just as uncomfortable describing the rules of the clique.
In short, we are socially weird for being willing to discuss the social rules—that our discussion is an improvement doesn’t mean it is statistically ordinary.
Ah, I see.
Human club has many rules. Some can be bent. Others can be broken.
Well...only insofar as we discuss the social rules on Lesswrong itself. No one, not even the high school clique, is uncomfortable with discussing social rules as generalities. I’ve seen school age kids discuss these things as generalities quite enthusiastically when a teacher instigates the discussion.
It’s only when specific names and people are mentioned that the discussion can become dangerous for the speakers. But this is no more true for social rules than it is for other conversations of similar type—for instance, when pointing out flaws of people sitting around you. I don’t think LW is immune to this (for example, the use of the word “phyg” is particularly salient, if usually tongue-in-cheek, example) although the anonymity and fact that very few of us know each other personally does provide some level of protection.
I suspect this population was not randomly selected. Otherwise, someone might have explained to me why nerds are unpopular at a time in my life that it might have been actually helpful.
I think the author is needlessly overcomplicating things.
1) People instinctively form tight nit groups of friends with people they like. People they like usually means help them survive and raise offspring. This usually means socially adept, athletic, and attractive.
2) Having friends brings diminishing returns. The more friends a person have, the less they feel the need to make new friends. That’s why the first day of school is vital.
3) Ill feelings develop between sally and bob. Sally talks to Susanne, and now they both bear ill feelings towards Bob. Thus, Bob has descended a rung in the dominance hierarchy.
4) Bob’s vulnerability is a function of how many people Sally can find who will agree with her about him. As a extension of this principle, those with the fewest friends will get the most picked on. The bullies can be both from the popular and unpopular crowd.
5) Factors leading to few friends—lack of social or athletic ability, conspicuous non-conformity via eccentric behavior, dress, or speech, low attractiveness, or misguided use of physical or verbal aggression.
By the power law, approximately 20% of the kids will be friends with 80% of the network. These are the popular kids. As a result of their privileged position, they do not even notice popularity hierarchies...it’s sort of like being white, male, upper middle class, etc. These kids will claim that there is no such thing as “popularity”.
Any random person is likely to find themselves in the bottom 80%. They will find themselves excluded from the main network because the people in the main network already have enough friends. They will fined themselves picked on because they are vulnerable like Bob.
When we call someone a nerd, we refer to a constellation of traits which include intelligence, obscure interests (non-conformity), lack of social skills, lack of fashion sense, lack of athletic ability, and glasses-wearing. Obviously such folks are less likely to be in the top 20%...not because of the intelligence but because of all that other stuff.
But they aren’t the only ones who find themselves unpopular. In fact, a vast segment of the population finds themselves in this position.