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I’m not sure what you’re pointing at. I think you’re referring to awareness of, or engagement with, life. Focusing on reality is what lets you stand up. This sounds pretty peculiar to me. I enjoy heightened awareness of reality, but I certainly don’t find any beauty in the “white hot intensity of pain”. You, on the other hand… Your description reminds me of Carissa Sevar, a fictional character from a variety of fictions on glowfic, most memorably from project lawful. She takes comfort in the fact that she can withstand pain, so finds it strange that someone would prefer non-existince. She’d prefer existing in Hell over non-existence. Her entire character is about being in love with life, and becoming stronger.