Thanks. It’s very helpful. If anything, it tells me that my writing needs a lot of improvement if you found multiple items to fix in the first paragraph.
Happy to help. Knowing where you are at is part of improving. The paragraph looks much better now. Some more touch-ups:
I started tracking myself after being warned by my primary care doctor about the fact that my sugar level and blood pressure is too high and that I needed to lose weight.
I missed it before, but “blood pressure is too high” conflicts with “needed to lose weight.” For a story set in the past it should be “was too high”.
These piece of advice are unhelpful, as they are not actionable
Should be “pieces” since it is plural in this context.
Thanks. It’s very helpful. If anything, it tells me that my writing needs a lot of improvement if you found multiple items to fix in the first paragraph.
Happy to help. Knowing where you are at is part of improving. The paragraph looks much better now. Some more touch-ups:
I missed it before, but “blood pressure is too high” conflicts with “needed to lose weight.” For a story set in the past it should be “was too high”.
Should be “pieces” since it is plural in this context.