Psychotherapista Teuthida: Analytically cuddly Lovecraftian sith lord
squidious
What I’ve Learned From My Parents’ Arranged Marriage
A Step-by-step Guide to Finding a (Good!) Therapist
Feeling Old: Leaving your 20s in the 2020s
Translating CFAR to Therapy
Anatomy of a Dating Document
Bounds of Attention
Active vs Passive Distraction
The Desired Response
On Gender and Emotional Support
Therapy vs emotional support
Categorizing Love: How having more words for love might make it less scary
Mapping Another’s Universe
50 Ways To Leave Your Therapist: Termination and why it’s important
I’m betting that this is what he plans on explaining in the next post, where this post is a precursor to explain why it’s difficult to convey.
Threads are largely on Facebook, along with personal conversations. Most of these are with women seeking a nesting partner, and most of these documents are written by men seeking a nesting partner, so in this sense the group I got most of my data from is the target audience. I do think that a lot of this is more generalizable, at least within our community though; knowing whether or not your partner wants kids is useful regardless of gender and sexuality. I think part of what you’re getting at is that it’s ambiguous where each piece of advice is coming from, and you’re definitely right about that—I initially was compiling this information for personal use before deciding it might be worth sharing, hence not having sources and such.
Re the comment you didn’t quite get… the appeal of a dating document is largely from the ability to be upfront about what you want. This is to avoid the common failure mode of dating someone for years only to find a fundamental incompatibility that, if brought up from the start, could have saved a lot of trouble. It’s an attempt to date more efficiently. This is the attitude both readers and writers of these docs bring to the table. In the same way that people might use a specific app to find a specific kind of connection, people have used dating docs as a way of finding someone willing to make things work based on practical alignments like coparenting and such.
I have anecdotal evidence that dating documents are helpful with getting dates, but no actual numbers. What I have found is that the sooner in a relationship couples discuss potential dealbreakers, goals for the future, etc, the more likely they are to either last or have a mutual breakup with no hard feelings. Again, no actual numbers here, but I’m a therapist and have worked with couples and taken workshops that have only supported this belief. In particular, often couples will fall in love, realize that they don’t align on practical things, and then try to make it work anyway, often ending up feeling stuck together (like if they have kids) or having a messy breakup. The reason I think dating documents would work is that they improve upon an existing method for finding a partner, with the addition of built-in disclosures to prevent common failure modes. Plus, even if the document itself isn’t what finds you a match, writing one out is a good exercise in figuring out what you want and showing it to a potential partner is a good way of assessing practical compatibility upfront.
Apologies for not properly answering your questions the first time. It’s been years since I’ve written on LW and I’m both a bit rusty and incredibly nervous. I do appreciate the constructive feedback, and acknowledge that my own experience (being told my ideas are invalid for not having measurable evidence and credible studies to cite) played a part in my response’s tone.
Reframing a Crush: Distilling the “like” out of “like like”
In cases like this, it helps if the end condition is discussed early on in therapy. If this worry comes up, it becomes important to find out where this insecurity comes from. Many therapists will have an open door policy—if we decide your goals have been met and we terminate, you can at any time come back and decide to start therapy with me again. If termination is due to the therapist leaving, they can refer the client to someone new. In some cases (though this is easier in a clinic) the gap can be bridged by having a session dedicated to the old therapist introducing the client to the new therapist, and helping create that bond before detaching from the client.
The description of a Hufflepuff as “the one who does all the work” still sounds like a one-dimensional characterization. The focus on a Hufflepuff’s work ethic in attempts to portray the house as being strong (with a side of “loyalty” and “friendship” used as buzzwords) feels woefully incomplete. It’s largely the emotional labor that makes the work ethic possible, so saying “Hufflepuffs are hard-working, we should be more like that” is basically like saying “Ravenclaws are smart, we should be more like that”.